Friday, January 23, 2015

Day 19 - "Shotgun Hummus / Burned Fingers/ Ovaries"

Wallabee, Wallabee, Wallabee.... It cleanses the palate and prepares the tongue for precise erudition.  Here goes..,.I strike my muse on her delicate butterfly  knee with my little tin hammer - and she starts spittin' out nonsense like a jabberwockie

Some questions deserve to be answered, others defy logic at every turn.

The "Right-to-Life" coalition staged a candlelight vigil/march through downtown Grand Junction last night. I would guess 2-300 of these delightful and well-intentioned souls were out there - each carrying a single slender  burning candle, as if to the manger of Bethlehem.

 I had to traverse the march to get my gear into the gig.  Nearly got hot wax on me.  If I'm not paying for the hot wax "up-charge" - and you're not an NFL cheerleader in a teddy  - I find it presumptuous and rude.

 I saw a woman I even knew in the march. She looked the other way when she saw me- I think a little embarrassed.

I am also right-to-life;...... as in - "Right-to-MY-Life", as well as "Right-to-YOUR-Life".

Fellas we have no business weighing in on this one . It only spells trouble....we are not effectively qualified to mandate in the area of womens reproductive organs -  anymore than they're entitled to mandate that, upon entering into any  committed monogamous relationship with a significant other; - that our male testicles be surgically removed and placed in a very nice Chambreaux crystal glass of preservative formaldehyde, on a lacy pink doily, on the break-front nightstand beside the picture of her cat Boo-Boo.(A very well groomed Persian mix).

For our own self-preservation fellas,all politics aside. - any further ovarian interdiction by men  has got to stop.

 Do any of you really think that any male, apart from Richard Simmons,  is qualified to tell any woman what to do with her ovaries? If you said yes, you're way dumber than I look.   When's the last time any of you meat-whistles won an argument with your "significant other" - that didn't end up with you wishin' you would'a just shut up to begin with? Hell I can't even get one to change a flat tire in a rainstorm when I'm too drunk to say "noodle". We'll get into that later.

Anyhow, As I sat on my wooden box singing revolutionary songs of disenchantment last night, pedaling like
I was being chased, it came to me.  Right then and there, it hit me. I started the: International  "Right-To-"just my life, and nobody elses'"-Foundation. I held my own march.  Walked all the way down to 3rd . Burnt my fingers on my AC/DC lighter in front of the Rockslide and nearly spilled my cocktail.

Unfortunately I was forced to stop my march before I got too far;  both by  dangerous weather conditions (under 45 degrees), and a Grand Junction Police officer. A frightening man with an itchy trigger-finger and his hand on his loaded banana.  The fight will continue, but I just want to let folks know we're out there.  We're a subsidiary of the International "Don't be a Dick"  Foundation.

Tonight I will be at The Palisade Cafe for fun and foolishness with my pal T-Bone.  We talked about him the other day.  A Lincoln Burger is $5- a Beer is $4 - and I'll table dance for $40 but you damn-well better keep your nut-hooks to yourself.....this time.

 If I show up at the trailer in my underwear and a sombrero again, the dogs are gonna start talkin'

It's time for me to take a break now and go kill something to eat.  Today I'm making shotgun.hummus.

Using good quality duct tape, simply strap a 20 oz can of Del-Monte Garbanzos  to the end of a 20 guage loaded with #4 target shells. When all ingredients are prepared, aim and shoot at a large (8 feet x 8 feet minimum) sheet of pre-greased galvanized tin leaning against the barn. After you've finished pulling the trigger just scrape the fresh hummus of the wall with a spatula and season with a blend of cardamom and chicken feathers.  A yummy fun treat you can make right in the comfort of your own driveway. (remember to spit the lead out)

Peace Out
"Don't take any wooden nickels"
"Until Manyana"

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